The nesting man Vs. real estate

I found myself caulking windows this week because of a few rather large spiders crawling around in the living room as well as the soon to be baby's room. I FREAKED! This is not the first Arachnid experience in this house, in fact it is quite common, but now that Sayer is about to be born, I cant help but think of the fear he may have if one were to crawl on him in the night. Scary right?. I relate it to the experience the Actor Jeff Daniels had as his character in the movie Arachnophobia. Now I know that movie it very unrealistic, and highly unlikely, but there are some real fears that were not discussed in that movie that I think about on a daily basis.

Is this home the right home? Do we stay here? Rent? Buy? move to the Burbs, move to the country?  Does he go to public school or private? Since he cannot choose these things right away the brunt of the questions are absorbed by the expectant parents. What do we do? Not a clue yet, and at this point it is time to Nest.

Men can nest too you know! I don't know this from reading books, I actually cringe when I am cleaning the house and I see too much dust on the blinds. I think, "ew Sayer can't breathe that" or "if we live in a new house that we owned, there would be no dust". Although the first is more true than the latter, I focus more on the latter. It is much more fun to think of the place that my son will grow up in that is "ours" instead of "theirs" In the weeks prior to all of these thoughts as well as deep cleaning, I have been learning a lot about the in's and outs of real estate. And I actually find it fun and fascinating.

This new real estate knowledge rules my thoughts, and I now dream of that first home, spider free of course. But how to get there? Undetermined.; Short Sale? Foreclosure? Patiently wait for a higher price home? We will see.


In the meantime, there is still a baby boy on the way that doesn't care where his parents choose to live. All he needs now are loving parents to protect, to love, to teach and  tackle the spiders, deep clean, dust, sweep and mop, or any other nesting step that need to be done to ensure that my son is smiling and not like Jeff Daniels in that stupid stupid Movie.

The dad I refuse to be

I love Music. 

 I often find myself thinking of music the majority of my day. That is now being replaced by thoughts of the little baby Sayer, and not in the simplest of terms. I find myself thinking of where he is positioned in the womb today. I am sure that it weird, but I am too proud of it to care. Throughout the course of the day I have hundreds of little thoughts of this little human being. I daydream about what he will look like, sure, but more often than not I find myself thinking of what kind of a dad I will be. I can't figure it out some days, but I do know the dad I refuse to be.


 I started this post by expressing my love for music, In which I have a truly profound and tangible emotional connection to. I often find myself backtracking through a bands discography, and finding out that these newer bands that I love had albums way before the one I heard first. I fall in love with these bands even more and I am okay with this because I love the search and even deeper connections I develop with them.

 Within this self discovery however, I realized that this is how my father approached raising his children. Not that he started with the oldest and moved to me, the youngest, rather he didn't start to really get to know us as kids until I was much older, and it was too late to backtrack. As an adult I can only recall so much, and in reality, it doesn't matter to my parents to understand how I felt as a child now that I am about to have my own. My father was always working the swing shift, weekends, all while attending school even into my teenage years. I commend him for this dedication to provide money for the family, but in trying to support his family monetarily, and working all the time, the profound tangible connection that I feel in music was sorely missed by my dad. This is not a sad story. In fact if it wasn't for this, I would not be the man I am today.


 This is not the way I will raise my son. My son deserves better than what I received as a child. Although work is an important aspect of life, I value the connection I am about to have and experience with my son far more than I do having that "dream" job. I don't want his childhood to be remembered like I remember mine. I want him to explore, to be comfortable to ask me anything he wants. I want to teach him how to live, and how to love and I want to see the world and learn more about life through his eyes. I want to be there for every year that passes, and I want my daydreams of him to continue for the rest of my life. I refuse to be the dad that looks back at the way he raised his children and wishes he had done it differently.

Love you Sayer, see you soon!  

Love, Dad